“For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.” Matthew 19:12
I never understood this verse. I’ve heard it maybe a couple of times, and then once in one of my dad’s sermons. At the dinner table on that Sunday afternoon I asked him what it meant. He said, “Some are single by the divine secret Will of God, some are single by the decisions of others, some are single by personal choice for the sake of the Kingdom. But it’s very important to keep this verse in its context.” (I would suggest reading Matthew 19 as a whole).
I remember my heart almost dropping out of my chest when I heard that. ‘There are some people who WANT to be married but aren’t going to be?’ That thought is enough to drive someone insane. Anxiety, frustration, and anger come with that if it’s not combated with the truth.
Self-pity. In a book called “Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?” it talked about self-pity and how harmful it is. Carolyn McCulley quotes John Piper, “The need of self-pity does not come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. It is the response of unapplauded pride (p. 60).” Reading that convicted my heart. I sadly have to say most of the tears I cried were due to my self-pity, my thinking that I deserve something, it’s shameful even saying it now, but God….
God in His mercy has given me such a wonderful mother who knows what to say in the moments when I’m feeling at my worst. She called me to her room one day to ask what was wrong, through tears I tried to explain, and justify, my feelings of loneliness, self-pity, and feeling left out…
She joined me with tears saying I didn’t have to worry, I’ll never forget what she said, “I know you want to be married and have kids, but you have to be patient. Before the foundations of the world God planned your whole life! He saw this day, and He saw tomorrow. He knows what He’s doing, and He has a reason for it. You can’t fill your head with lies, you’re not alone. You’re going to look back on this day and understand all of it, just be patient.”
I love my mom. She always knows what to say in these moments, I believe the words that come from her mouth in these moments are truly from God.
After these talks with my mom I always feel so much better. While I can’t write down everything my mom has taught me about prayer, and patience, another major thing she has taught me is to trust God. I know and understand that, while most women get married, some may not. Another great quote from Carolyn’s book is, “God may change your assignment [singleness] and calling, or you may find that, as the years go by, you are increasingly contented with being single. There’s grace for being so gifted either way.” This gave me so much hope, and confidence. God is good isn’t He? He gives us the grace and mercy to BE content in whatever situation we’re in…as Paul says in 1 Cor. 7. If Paul could be content in whatever circumstance, and he was a human, I (we) can be in our singleness.
Of course my mom cannot promise me that marriage is what God has for me, but she taught me that prayer is powerful. “Are you praying for your future husband?” She asked. “Are you praying that God would make you to be the woman/wife God wants you to be?” Before this time I had never prayed for that, I sometimes prayed for myself being the woman, but I never really prayed for him.
What if he doesn’t exist? Should I still pray for him?
While reading one of my favorite bloggers, Phylicia Delta’s blog, she explains the importance of still praying for your future husband…(please go read her blog!) Do we know if he exists or not? Of course not but that should not stop us from praying for him. We don’t know God’s plan for our lives, but one thing we do know is that we are to bring Him glory, it’s only God’s decision if marriage (for you and for me) will bring Him glory. Ahh trust. Trust God because He truly knows what’s best for us.
I’ve dropped the ball sometimes, but I try to, every night, pray for my future husband. I pray for his salvation, if he is unsaved at the moment. I pray for his relationship with the Lord, that it would be strong. I pray for the moments when he’s down, frustrated, angry, and/or sad that he would find comfort in the Lord, because the Lord is the only one who can give us the comfort we need, no human can, only the Lord…and it’s so great to serve a good God who loves His children. I pray for his leadership, and respect for his parents and the adults in his life. It’s not much but it brings me a lot of joy that, if marriage is something God has for me, I can tell my husband that I prayed for him.
Checkout my previous post “Dear Future Husband, I pray for you every night pt. 1.”